I have a friend who is struggling with a situation in her life. The enemy is trying his best to steal, kill, and destroy all that she has. In the midst of this, God is reaching out to her and asking if she will walk in patience with Him. Will she give Him the time needed to turn this around? Will she walk or stay?
We understand patience when the context is to be patient with our loved ones or others. But to be patient with God and waiting for Him to turn things around— sometimes it can feel like God is asking a lot from us, especially when we are looking back as a witness to the destruction of something that was once so promising.
I wonder if this post has found you in a place where God is asking you the same question: “Do you have the strength (patience) to turn to Me and let Me walk you through this?”
One of the most powerful things I have learned in my relationship with God is that my trials tend to unmask my weaknesses. Once my weaknesses are revealed, I am left with a decision to make.
Will I walk away from the person and the situation or can I stand still and let God work to save the relationship?
In my pain and anger, I feel walking away would be the easy decision. After all, I have been hurt by this person and have a right to. Entangled in my thoughts of leaving, I hear God’s voice softly speak to my heart –Walk In GRACE.
The thing I LOVE about God is the fact that He is not demanding. He understands the hurt we are dealing with. He gets that our hearts can only take so much. So He gently asks us, “Will you walk away or can you stand still and wait for Me to turn your situation around?” James tells us why we should consider God’s request:
This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
-James 1:19-20
Our anger (though understandable) will not achieve the righteousness God is looking for. He wants to develop Righteousness in our character and will use our trials as the vehicle to strengthen us when we are willing. Standing still means we are willing to not only be patient with Him, it means we are willing to recognize our weaknesses and walk through them -one by one.
Facing our own unrighteousness is tough. Sometimes it reveals where we are wrong in the situation. Facing ourselves means we are putting a Holy mirror in front of us. God’s Holiness reveals the areas we need to change. But God gives strength to those who are willing to wait on Him…
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
– Isaiah 40:31
God’s Word tells us that if we will wait on the Lord, He will renew our strength. We will mount up with wings like eagles. God spoke to my heart once again as I read this verse. Mounting up with wings is a promise to those of us who choose to walk in patience with Him to the end. The wings represent flight, or an easy flow of things. Once we overcome one of our weaknesses, the road ahead will be so much easier to navigate. Our character is strengthened and our relationship has the chance to turn around, as God is now able to use us as His vessels.
To the one who is reading this post and facing a trial of your own, I ask you the question: Will you walk or will you stand? I pray you will choose to stand and let God turn your situation around.
Fighting To Save Every Marriage,
~ Cherie Zack
This hit home I am deep in the storm, hopeless and can not see a future in this relationship. I was praying shortly before opening my email about walking or standing. God has softly asked me to be patient and stay.
Rana, so glad you stopped by!! Praying for you.
Often it is hard to see past the storm when your in the midst of it but God will give you the strength to endure cry out to Him, He is there waiting to comfort and has already won the battle. Surround your self with those who will encourage and lift you up. It also helps to remind yourself on a daily basis that your husband is not the enemy Satan is and it is. I will keep you in my prayers.
It is amazing how many times God whispers to you and then brings you places, like here, with the echos of the same teaching. Listen to those whispers Rana and try to quiet tour emotions on the storm- this is the hardest part!!
What a blessing to stand and know that in your storm you have sisters standing with you praying into your circumstance.
Hold fast sweet sister, storms will pass but I know they can be scary. xxx
Rana, It is amazing how many times God whispers to you and then brings you places, like here, with the echos of the same teaching. Listen to those whispers Rana and try to quiet tour emotions on the storm- this is the hardest part!!
What a blessing to stand and know that in your storm you have sisters standing with you praying into your circumstance.
Hold fast sweet sister, storms will pass but I know they can be scary. xxx
It only has to be for today. Stay today and think about today, because tomorrow has its own troubles.
Amen!! One day at a time. 🙂
I’m staying!!! I have already seen God begin a work, whether great or small. My marriage is worth fighting for. The battle is not mine, but His!
Thank you Cherie
Marie, I’m so proud of you!! Woot Woot!!!! Yes, the battle belongs to God! You are doing an amazing job!! – Cherie 🙂
This hit home for me cause I’m at the point divorce is the only way but after reading this now I have to ask God what should I do I love my husband with every ounce of me but we not in a good space right now but after reading this I want to wait on the Lord to turn it around in his time I want the Lords will to be done so I’m giving it to the Lord
Quita, I would like to invite you to join our community group on Facebook. The link is below. Please request to join if you would like to. Our community group is there to support you and pray with you. Our passion is to see God save every marriage. We are here to help if you would like us to! I hope to see you there. I will be lifting you in prayer today for strength and courage to stand for your marriage!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ImperfectWivesCommunityConnections/
It was no accident that I stumbled upon this site today. I am 19 months in to stain with my husband of 25 years who admitted 2 multiple long-term betrayal and other worldly lifestyles which went against our faith. We’ve served in the church attended church raise their children in the church are whole entire marriage they get these things are going on right under my nose and somehow I was naive and chalked it up to just a phase of life. The rage is finally gone hurts and pains are still there but with no counseling and celebrate recovery program I believe I am ready to stay and commit I cannot move forward or move on without making a choice. I am at a place where I know the Holy Spirit has been dodging me in that direction this is the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life it is affecting my marriage my children my job and all other things around me I am finally at my wit’s end and ready to strap on the boots and here God fully and be obedient to him. It will not be easy this path has not been easy and I still don’t quite understand why I should stay I just know that’s what I’m being told I need to do.
Trina, we are going to be praying for you. I have been counseling/coaches wives through circumstances just like this for 10 years. I’ve been honored to witness God do miracles in marriages that no one would have thought could be turned around or redeemed. Again, we are praying for you and your husband! The Holy Spirit is guiding you to stay but He also wants to teach you how to fight the right way. This is what I can help you if you would like me to. 🙂
– Cherie
This article is such a blessing to me. I have definitely been struggling with the “stay or stand ” intermittently for years. I’m currently in counseling and focusing on my relationship with the Lord. I don’t want to miss out on ANYTHING the Lord has for me. I trust and believe that ALL things work for the good of those who love the Lord… (Roman’s 8:28). God bless you Cherie for being obedient to God with this ministry. You are touching so many struggling wives and being a vessel God is using to heal women and their marriages. I’m standing.
Thank you Danyel for your kind and encouraging words. I pray through your counseling you will no longer struggle in this area. God doesn’t want you to. His desire is for you to be free. Then you will be able to minister to your husband through the changes God is making in you. Excited you have chosen to Stand!! Amen!! <3
I’ve always believed you stay married no matter what, however if you’re being abused, God wants better for you. Get out and ask your spouse to get help, if he/she is unwilling to change then you must walk away for your wellbeing and especially if children are involved.
I remember the abuse of my mother from my childhood and she didn’t think she could leave but when he brought the safety of a child into the picture she knew she had to leave. He never changed and they divorced. God forgives that divorce and I’m happy to say both are remarried to different people and doing well.
When I married my plan was to never be abused but if I was I was leaving immediately for I wouldn’t go through what my mom did… well I stay married 19 years but learned abuse isn’t just physical it comes in many forms (sexual and emotional) and when my ex husband decided he wouldn’t change and a divorce was best that’s how we ended. Today, I am remarried going on 6years and it hasn’t been easy and there are many times I want to walk away but God reassures me He is with me and I’m right where He wants me. So today, I choose to stay and pray. But if God ever tells you to walk then don’t turn away staying because it’s the religious thing to do… walk away, He can restore your marriage or maybe He will bring you a new spouse but whatever you do seek God and He will direct your path.
Tracy, I’m so sorry you went through that. No wife should ever be abused, or husband as well. Praising the Lord with you that you have found a good husband and you are doing well. 🙂
I am so confused. I have stayed for 22 years now. I am only becoming aware of why our marriage is in such a mess. My christian counselor says that my husband is a narcissist, and in her experience very few change. I know I have my own faults and contribution to the failure of the marriage. During the last 4 years my faith has just grown and I am able to show grace and love regardless of emotional, verbal and physical abuse. I have put things in place to keep me and the kids safe and my husband is attending anger management course. Now that I am aware of the patterns and what narcissism involve, I am placed in a position of asking…should I stay or should I go. My Christian counsellor is concerned for my health and well being and strongly advice me to leave. Now this is where I am confused. Should I still be patient and show grace now that he is actually trying to change? Or is it me just being scared to be alone? Do I have a battered wife syndrome? I am praying and asking God but I can’t hear Him at the moment.
Oh my dear sister I will pray God alone gives you clarity!!
If he is honestly trying to change and there are safe guards put into place, I’d say stay and pray. God will fight this battle for you, give it to Him. However, do not pay down and be a doormat…. separate if abuse continues and put boundaries in place. Remember God has great plans for you and He will give you the strength to do what is right for you.
You’ve been married a long time and I will let you know a divorce is worse than a death in so many ways and I know God hates divorce this is what I struggled most with but God sent word from a stranger that told me… “divorce is no worse than any other sin,and God will forgive it because He wants you to be where you can serve Him best” in my previous marriage things went so wild that I couldn’t pray anymore let alone serve God. The guilt and shame crippled me for sometime but 3 years ago I walked through the doors of celebrate recovery and I am smiling today, serving God and praying often. I have even stepped out of my comfort zone and began leading women in growth groups aka Bible Studies.
So whatever you do commit it to the Lord and He will make your direction completely clear….
Don’t be abused physically whatsoever! Emotionally if you can listen to God and the truth above the lies then stay and pray if it’s destroying your ministry for Christ then leave…. God will see you through everything.
If a divorce comes in your future get legal advice and know you are entitled to half of all assets and debt liabilities as well…. depending on your state alimony and or child support so don’t settle for less than you’re entitled because of fear. I pray your husband changes because divorce is really really ugly….
Praying with you
I was married to a man who had many signs of being a narcissist. They do not change.
I spent almost 10 years beating my head against the wall, wondering what was wrong with my marriage. I wasn’t perfect, by any means. But, after reading about narcissist spouses, and covert-aggression, it was eye opening.
A couple of websites you might want to check out are Leslie Vernick. She has an excellent book out about destructive marriages. And also look up Lundy Bancroft. He’s got several books and resources available.
Praying for you.
Mels, narcissist can change. Many have and many more will. When God is invited into the situation, He can change them. I’m so sorry you went through all that you did. I pray that your heart will be mended and restored.
– Cherie
Anon, you have hope. Narcissist can change. By grace through faith and prayer, God can change him. I have counseled wives who’s husbands were dealing with this stronghold. If your husband is trying to change and showing you that he is, continue to walk in love and patience. As you’re doing this remember to keep your focus on God, not on your husband’s faults. This is where we get derailed. Focusing on God will align you with His Will and will help you fight the real battle -the enemy of your marriage not your husband. We always have hope when we put our trust in Christ! Concerning you “battered wife” question, I would have to know more of your situation to answer you. Feeling overwhelmed by our circumstances can close our ears to God’s voice. And sometimes the reason can be that we are weary and just want to give-up. I will be praying for you for strength and courage to continue to be your husband’s help-mate and for ears to hear as God is leading you. 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My strength is sufficient for my power is made perfect in your weaknesses.” God’s strength is more than enough to help you through this and His power is perfected within you as you yield your weaknesses (struggles) to Him! <3
-Cherie
What a blessing to come across this post today. I have been struggling for several months. My husband moved out and wants a divorce and I don’t. I have been praying and my husband wants me to accept the separation and move on. I just can’t give up. I live my husband!
Hi, Marie! I’m so glad you found us. Lifting you in prayer and standing with you in faith that God can turn your husband’s heart back to you and your marriage. Please let me know how you are doing. I’m here to help as well if you would like. You can email me through the contact form here on my site or via info@theimperfectwives.org and put your name in the subject line so I know it’s you.
– Cherie
I woke up this morning feeling sad. I love my husband and want to stay but him staying out all night is causing strife in our marriage. It is hard for me to see satan as the enemy in this. Thanks for this site.
So glad you are here, Danielle. One thing we know for sure; the fight is not with our husband’s. It’s with the enemy. We don’t take the fight to satan though. We take it to God. I’m lifting you in prayer right now for strength and the courage to continue to love your husband in the midst of his sin.
Joyfully,
~ Cherie Zack