Playing “games” in your marriage is never a good idea.
I played one years ago. It took a great deal of understanding to pull off my “underhandedness.” Add creativity, a quick wit, and so much energy, and I was accomplishing my goal.
What I am talking about concerns our finances.
While Bill was deployed to the Middle East, I was home getting way in over my head. Some how, some where, a fear of our finances over took me and I began a downward spiral that could cost me my marriage.
I could not bring my self to pay our house bill’s for fear the money would not be there. I had never had this issue before. I cannot even share with you “how I get there!” I have no clue!!
I was in a lot of trouble and needed help.
Instead of going to Bill and telling him, I chose to cover it up and do everything I could to keep my secret.
This took a lot of lies. Why? Because I had gotten so good at lying that he believed everything I said when each Warning Sign was revealed.
I started using our bill money to pay the credit cards and our credit cards to pay our bills. Both were getting very late and our utilities kept getting cut off for non-payment. Once he returned home I had to stake out the mailbox to pull the bills before he could see them. This wasn’t easy because I worked full time and he arrived home most days before I did!
Bill would ask me a question about the bills and I always had a ready answer. Though the bills were in his hands, my sin knew just how to convince him what he was seeing was not the truth!
This went on for more than two years. I became sick all the time. I could no long handle the lies or my underhandedness any longer. My underhandedness had gotten way out of control.
To say I needed to Simplify My Life in this area was an understatement. I needed help, but my fear of Bill leaving me always won over what God was speaking to me.
I Was Out Of Control!!
I did pray, but my prayers were selfish and full of sin. They went something like this, “Please Lord, let me get home before Bill to grab the mail”, or, “Please Lord, let him believe this lie and I will never do this again!” I’m sure you can imagine that did not work. I kept the lies up to cover up my tracks anyway. And God is not a liar!
“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? .” Number’s 23:19
“These are grumblers, complainers, walking according to their own lusts; and they mouth great swelling words, flattering people to gain advantage.” Jude 16:10
I was walking according to my own lusts and flattering Bill with lies!
One night, I was at a church doing a sound check with their music department. I had been invited to sing that following Sunday morning. My cell rang in the midst of rehearsal and it was Bill.
He was breathing heavy and his voice was full of anger. All he said was, “what have you done? I will divorce you over MY Finances!”
I had married a man of great worth who was always a man of his word. He always paid on bills before they were do. His credit score was int he low 700’s. I was at the brink of destroying him-his credit- his Navy carrier.
My game had begun to unravel.
FEAR tool hold of me! I had to go home. I left the church and began to pray. I asked God for Grace. I knew I did not deserve to ask. I had tried to used God in my prayers to walk this lie out. Though I knew I did not have the right to ask, I asked God to help me anyway. I asked Him for the courage to lay everything out for Bill and I asked Him to speak to Bill’s heart and let me find FAVOR.
FAVOR!! Not something I thought I would ever receive, but desperately needed!
I arrived home and laid my self at Bill’s feet. I asked him if he would listen and let me share what had happened. He sat quiet. I began to reveal the whole situation. Every area of Underhandedness I had committed. Every lie I had told. Everything ugly, shady deed!
I was shocked when his face began to soften. I thought for sure this was the end! But at his feet something happened that I was not expecting. I Found Grace.
Are you in the same place I was? Are you so wrought with FEAR that you cannot ask your husband for help? Can I challenge you to lay it all before him and trust God to allow Grace to flow freely? I know this is not easy. I know right now your stomach is doing summer salts. Fear is trying to have it’s way.
You can do this! God will do this with you! I promise. He is faithful and will never leave you nor forsake you!
Praying for you,