Over what you ask?
Something quite ridiculous, actually. An issue in all honesty, so minor, that I blew far out of proportion. But at that moment, in all my foolishness, meant a lot to me.
My quietness prior to bed screamed volumes to my husband. But I pushed away any of his attempts for communication.
I chose, instead, to hold on even tighter to my anger as if it were a prized possession worthy of protection.
I spent the night tossing and turning, watching minutes and hours pass on the clock, despite how exhausted I was.
I spent the awake time alternating between praying and mentally griping, all the while fully aware of how utterly ridiculous I had been. But with an unrepentant heart, I continued to stoke the fire of my anger.
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
I was that foolish woman, reveling in my anger all the while brick by brick tearing down my own house.
And then I clearly heard the Lord utter this phrase to my spirit:
At that moment I knew exactly what the Lord was revealing to me:
With the lack of control over my angry thoughts, I was allowing my heart to fall into line with thoughts and behaviors that were the antithesis of what I truly want to live out.
And the more I allow it to continue, the easier it becomes. It has the potential to become my “easy” button, for it is far easier to succomb to my frustration and anger than to work diligently to take captive my thoughts and willingly lay down my feelings.
But the cry of my heart truly is:
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your
sight.
Psalm 19:14
To be the wise woman who builds her house up, the woman I so long to be, I have to be willing to learn my need “to be made new in the attitude of our minds.” Ephesians 4:23
Because it truly is about the meditation of my heart and my mind. Where they go, my mouth will all-too-willingly follow.
What is it that you are practicing in your own marriage? Because practice really does make perfect.
