Closeup of couple making heart shape with hands

Perfect Love. Does it exist? Can it be found? I remember in the first years after receiving my salvation,  feeling trapped and unloved because of the words my husband spoke to me. I wanted to tell him how he made me feel but I didn’t quite no how.  I was making mistakes like every young wife does. Simple mistakes, and I needed encouragement, not made to feel I had to walk on glass. Found in my hurt was a voice. A voice of reason that I started to yield to. I could have spoken but I didn’t.

I kept my mouth closed because of fear…

Fear that my husband would become angry with me if I spoke up for myself.

Fear that his heart would turn against me.

Fear that he would leave me or make me leave him.

Satan was speaking to me, and I, in my youth, believed the “wisdom” he was spinning.  The same enemy Eve met that day in the Garden of Eden.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

We all go through a situations in our life that can be used as the right soil for creating fear. Over time, fear became so real to me that it directed my decisions.  I came to a place where my thoughts were getting out of control. During my devotion time I read this verse: “Perfect love casts out fear.” What leaped at me were the words Perfect Love.

Where does perfect love come from?

Yes!! This is exactly what I wanted! Perfect Love from my husband. I wanted him to love me with pure thoughts. I wanted a husband who’s words were full of encouragement. A safe place for me to share not only my hurts but my desires and dreams.

I desired a husband who loved me unconditionally and recognized that I was a work in progress.

It’s not that hard to do. I needed grace…. just as God gives me grace.

Then the answer came.

God spoke to me with the deepest love, “He can’t give you perfect love because he’s not perfect.”

Wow…..  I remember my heart skipped a few beats.  Maybe you need to sit with that statement for a moment as well.

God showed me that perfect love is only found in my relationship with Him, not my husband.

Our husbands have just as much growing and refining to do as we do.

I learned something else about both of us. The things I want from him: grace, respect, love, to cherish me.  I needed to be willing to give these freely as well.  In my hurt, I was holding back from him. I believed if I became a martyr when I was with him – walking with a lowly spirit, I just might get his attention and cause him to feel conviction for what he was doing to me.  This is a form of manipulation and never has the outcome we think it will going into it. Satan was in my head and he his voice had to be silenced.  I need a place to turn to and I was about to find it. I John 4:13 spoke volumes to me. 

By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.

The Holy Spirit is within me because of my salvation. This is the voice I needed to yield to. And I did. His counsel is always perfect. We can trust Him and yield to Him in every situation.

It’s been quite a few years since this season of our marriage. I have learned to love my husband with same love I want to receive. Once this soaked into my head and I started responding to him out of love, this prompted changes in him. But there has also been a lot of change in me. Good changes that I sense are pleasing to God. There have been a few moments when I can hear Him say, “Good job Cherie, Now your getting it.”

Have you found yourself yielding to the enemies voice? What causes you to fear?