3-11-2014 11-16-46 AMHave you ever taken a trip without a map?

I would guess the answer to this question is probably no, or if you did go without a map, you would need to stop and ask for directions; just to make sure you were still on track towards your destination.

Well, I think God knew we would be lost in our marriage and would spend time wandering in the desert if we didn’t have a map to follow. He was so sure of this that I believe that is why he gave us the best map ever  that would help us to set boundaries; the Bible! As we seek God’s word and understand, it is the map for our marriage; we learn how to establish the elements of healthy boundaries through effective communication.

“One of the most challenging things in a marriage is learning how to set relational boundaries: like praying together, discussing finances, or even learning how to take the time to laugh with one another.”

For many years I prayed that God would help my husband and I learn how to pray together. It was one thing that I prayed on my own daily, but I knew there was so much more when it came to praying with my husband. I remember saying “God, you gave me my husband, can’t you just impress on his heart to pray with me?” Well, I would like to say those words set fire to the gates of heaven and my husband jumped up the next morning with enthusiasm to pray with me, but they didn’t. Let’s just say a few days went by, a few months went by, and even a few years went by! I was trying to set relational boundaries for my marriage by asking him to do something he wasn’t ready to commit to yet. Most of his reasoning stemmed from what most of us encounter when Satan whispers in your ear, “You don’t know how to pray”. Although I was trying to create boundaries by praying with my husband, the rules were based on what I wanted instead of what “WE” wanted as a couple.  I mean, who was I to think I could set someone else’s boundaries for them other than themselves? I guess I thought since God is the author of boundaries, he could give me substantial favor with my husband. I thought surely God is on my side with this, he wants me to define my relational values with my husband and have them reinforced.

As wives we do need to set specific boundaries, but those boundaries are something that we need to create for ourselves first, and then as a couple. We must remind ourselves that boundaries are specific and will involve our action. For me, it meant I must set relational boundaries to pray first for my husband and then to come in unity together with prayer, while allowing God to do the rest and impress on my husband’s heart the importance of praying together.

Today, my amazing husband and I pray together, discuss finances, and even laugh together. Until I truly understood the balance of how to set healthy boundaries within my marriage by following Gods map, I was following the path in the desert.

I encourage you if you are struggling with unhealthy boundaries in your marriage to stop and let GOD deal with your heart first and watch the journey of your life take a course it has never seen before.

Building strong marriages together,

Leanne Ilges


The following are a few verses to further encourage you as well as examples of boundaries from the word of GOD:

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Ephesians 5:3)

“That each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.”(1 Thessalonians 4:4)

“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:1-2)

“Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” (1 Timothy 4:16)