“He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.” Proverbs 17:27
How many times do you have a fight with your husband and the first thing you want to do, usually before the dust settles, is call your mom or a good friend?
There are times when Bill and I have fought and the first thing I did was to call my best friend.
{Oh, come on now, we’ve all done it…we love to talk to our best friend about how bad our husband is. We need to hear them tell us that we are right and our husbands are crazy! We love the catchphrase, “He’s a man.” I know I have said it more than a few times myself!}
There are those times when God’s still small voice says to me, “Keep this between us.” Sometimes when I heard these words, I pushed them away. I thought that I had a right to tell my friend because she would listen and understand where I was coming from.
When I was younger I decided to talk back to my mom because my brothers did and they never got punished, or so I thought. I stepped out on that ledge with boldness and got a backhand on my mouth. Ouch! It hurt and I knew I could never do that again.
God gives me a spiritual backhand when I respond to Bill in the wrong way or share things with others I know I should have kept to myself. It hurts, but it is a good reminder.
I have found two reasons God asks me to keep quiet:
The first is to see if I will be obedient to His voice. In the beginning, I failed miserably. I asked God to give me wisdom, but when He did I ignored Him. Praise God that He is patient with me and I have seen consistent growth in this area.
The second reason is to protect our husband’s reputation. There are those who we think we can trust, but can’t. They tell our business to a friend and that friend tells a friend. You get the picture. Please know that God moves in us as we continue to heed His guidance. With every right response comes great reward.
If our husbands are going to have a “safe place to land,” then we need to keep some things between us. As we do, we grow and God blesses our marriages. Sometimes, just by keeping our mouths closed we can see the situation change. The more we talk about it the more we bring life to that negative situation, but by keeping it to ourselves God allows us to give a sweet gift to our husbands: our trust and faith in them.
There are some things that have to be talked about. In those situations, find a counselor or someone you trust who can give you the help you need.
If you have a fight with your husband and you want to call a friend, use discretion and listen for God’s response first. He may just want you to keep it between the two of you.
Lord, thank You for Your Word and how You speak to us through it. Help us to continue to grow as wives and meet the needs of our husbands. Give us wisdom and discretion to help us walk the path You have laid before us. Break every stronghold that Satan has placed to destroy our marriage. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen!
Cherie
image via pinterest
Oh, this is one that has spoken to me on many levels. I too saw the same thing growing up, and in my marriage. I love how patient God is to teach me, and love that as I learn to build up Shane, God blesses that. There is life and death in the tongue, and if all I want to do is continue to talk about my husband to others, then that is not building him up with me, or with others.
Debbie, love your comment. Sorry I am slow to respond. We were on a short vacation.
I love how God takes the time to teach all of us. Life and death is in the tongue. My kids are coming to this realization now as they step out into relationships outside of our family. Thank you for choosing to build your husband instead of tearing him down. Hind site is always 20/20 but I would rather learn this from God as a precautionary lesson and not one after I have made the mistake! Love having you as one of our Imperfect Wives. Your wisdom is invaluable to us!
Love, Cherie
This post made me cry. There have been many times when I wished I could just scream my frustrations out into the world, but I chose to be strong and keep them to myself. Choosing to keep the major issues and arguments between myself and my husband only has really helped keep our marriage strong. I feel not so very alone now after reading your post. Thank you for sharing this.
We just recently wrote about this very thing at our site! So important to keep what’s in our marriage “in our marriage.”
http://www.marriagelifeministries.org/?tag=sacred