There are times that I have felt unloved by my husband and hurt by his words or careless gestures. Many times I have wanted to yell, “Stop!”
I wanted Bill to know how I really felt, but feared “punishment” from him. I wish I knew when this seed was planted. What I do know is what kept my mouth closed was fear!
Fear that he would yell at me…..
Fear that he would hate me…..
Fear that he would leave me…….
Fear that he would no longer love me…….
Everyone goes through situations in their lives that create fear and weakness. Fear can be paralyzing and is so unhealthy spiritual and mentally. Are you with me?
This fear drew me to unhealthy thoughts. Unhealthy needs. Unhealthy places. Things had gotten so out of control I finally realized one day that I needed help.
The fear I struggled with resulted in the same perpetual thought running through my mind. “I want a husband that saw me as the only girl in the world, who loved me unconditionally and recognized that I was a work in progress.” And yet this was not happening. Why?
Perfect love casts out fear. 
I did a key-word search on the word perfect and 1 John 4:18 leaped at me.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
Punishment!! There is one of my key words. God was showing me that perfect love is only found in my relationship with Him. Not Bill. And the revelation finally hit home. What I was asking Bill to give me was perfect love. And then it hit me…
“Bill can’t give me perfect love because he is not perfect.”
As I meditated on this statement God whispered the following words to me, If you want change to begin in Bill, change needs to begin in you first!
This thought was so in-my-face that an internal struggle with God began to take place.
“Why do I have to change first?” came right out of my mouth along with other thoughts as well. God stopped me with this one question…
“Do you love Bill enough to surrender your fear to me?”
Big, big, question for me. So big in fact I almost said no! God was asking me to trust Him in a place where fear had resided for so long. In a strange way, I found refuge in the fear. But Fear was now gripping my heart.
Could I let go?
Could I trust God in this area?
Could I trust Bill?
My heart began to beat so fast I could hear it with every question that gripped my mind…. “Lord, please help me. I can’t let go of fear on my own!”
Are you dealing with Fear? Can you let Perfect Love has its way? Surrender was so scary for me. But I have learned that God will catch me no matter what I face or the decisions I make.
It’s been a few years since this day. I have struggled along the way but I have also seen change happen in me and even in Bill. Sometime I can hear God say, “Good job, Cherie. Now you’re getting it!”
Can you relate?
Father, we thank you for our husbands, no matter how imperfect they are. Teach us to love without fear and let change begin with us first! In Jesus Name we pray, Amen.
His strength for my weakness,
Cherie
Amen! Just was reminded of that scripture yesterday by a Godly friend ….. so true we can’t do it alone!
So good to know I am in great company, Andrea! We can’t and thankful we have a defender in Jesus!! <3
I can totally relate. I prayed the most difficult prayer, asking God to change my heart after reading the book “Beyond Ordinary.” I can’t tell you how much it opened my eyes to things that I needed to see differently. It is a hard and painful process, but I can’t even begin to tell you the benefits and blessings I’ve received from obeying the Lord
Wow! Love this, Jamie!! So encouraging to hear from someone who has walked something through to fruition. And so important to know that we can do what you have done!
I find it amazing how fear can mask itself as other things such as hurt, anger, independence. I pray my heart and mind are getting keener to the enemies sly tricks. Thank you, Cherie for the reminder.
So true… Jesus is the only One that can meet all of our needs, and it’s unfair to expect that from our husbands. I do think that the most healthy marriages are the ones that allow us to communicate those feelings with each other in a loving and kind way. Truth is always freeing!