weary womanSome people are slaves to their past pain and burn with anger, resentment – even bitterness.  They just can’t seem to let go of the hurt. Simply put, they can’t forgive! Does this sound like you?

One thing I’ve learned in my personal walk with God is forgiveness is essential to my well-being and the health of every relationship I have -especially my marriage. And yet unforgiveness had created a tomb that caused death to reside in many areas of my heart. Unforgiveness can kill your marriage.

The following is a model that I use when I counsel on forgiveness. It is what I have learned in my own desire to overcome this life stealer. It takes courage to do this, but I know you can. Today we will look at the first step.

Step 1 -Recall the Hurt.

Many bulls surround me; strong bulls of Bashan encircle me. Roaring lions that tear their prey open their mouths wide against me. I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted within me. My mouth is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs surround me, a pack of villains encircles me; they pierce my hands and my feet. All my bones are on display; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment.”   -Psalm 22:12-18

These verses are hard to read and even harder to receive when at the moment you realize, “I could have written this.” A healthy marriage will thrive when forgiveness is second nature. But not if you have unforgiveness in your heart.

David’s cries cause my thoughts to flashback to a time in my own life when I travailed before God in my anguish caused by the hands of another. Recalling the hurt can be painful but mourning the issue is important to the process of letting go and forgiving the one/ones that have hurt you. Ecclesiastes 3:4 tells us there is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Recall the experience and mourn the loss you faced. Ask yourself this question; what has been taken from me and write each area down. Here is my list. Maybe it can help you.

-I lost my childhood.

-I lost the ability to trust people.

-I lost the understanding of what is right and wrong and can no longer hold others accountable when they do something wrong.

– I lost my innocence.

Realizing what has been taken from you can be tough. However, God’s desire is to heal your soul and your spirit. Spend some time here with Him. Give Him each area and invited Him in to remove the pain, heal the hurt, and restore back to you all that was stolen. Though the process can be painful, joy will come in the morning (Psalm 30:5).

Here is a scripture prayer for you to pray:

Lord, your Word says you heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). Father, I am weary. Help me to lie down in green pastures. Lead me beside the still waters and restore my soul. Father, lead me in the paths of righteousness for Your name’s sake (Psalm 23:2-3). Help me to forgive and heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for You are my praise (Jeremiah 17:14).

Building stronger marriages together,