There were times in the first years of our marriage that I have felt unloved by Bill and hurt by his words or careless gestures. I wanted to yell, “Stop!” so many times and let him know how I truly felt, but the fear of punishment from Bill would paralyze my voice and leave me in a pit of utter dis-pare!
I kept my mouth closed because I feared!
Feared he would yell at me……
Feared he would hate me……
Feared he would leave me……
All of these were lies from satan.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18
Everyone goes through situations in their lives that create fear and I had a lot of fear in mine. I finally realized one day that I needed help. Then I came across today’s verse: “Perfect love casts out fear.” What leaped at me were the words Perfect Love.
Where does perfect love come from?
I sought the one who holds the answers. I knew I wanted this in my marriage. I wanted a husband that thought I was “the only girl in the world.”
“I desired a husband who loved me unconditionally and recognized that I was a work in progress.”
I needed him to extend me grace…. just as God does.
Then the answer came.
God showed me that perfect love is found in my relationship with Him, not Bill.
God said, “Bill can’t give you perfect love because he’s not perfect.” Wow….. I know my heart skipped a few beats. I realized in that moment that Bill has as much work to do as I do and my request of him was unfair.
I learned something else about us both. The things I want from Bill: grace, respect, love, to cherish me. I needed to be willing to give these freely to him as well. I realized that these very the things I was withholding from him to punish him for making me feel unloved and neglected.
I John 4:13 states that we have God’s spirit.
The Holy Spirit will teach us how to love without fear. All we have to do is ask. Listen for His voice and be aware of what is happening around us. Look for those moments that you can give respect, grace, and love, instead of hording them because of your pride or un-forgiveness.
Also… don’t be afraid to share with your husband how you truly feel about him, especially the good things. It’s time to stop the fear, let our guards down, and share with them why we love them. Sharing how you feel about him can opens the door to trust, which in turn can open his heart to yours.
It’s been a few years since this season of our marriage. I have learned to love Bill unconditionally and have seen so many changes in him. But there have also been a lot of changes in me. Good changes that please God. Sometime, I can hear Him say, “Good job Cherie, Now your getting it”!
I pray this ministers to your heart and touches right where you are today. Trust God in your marriage. In time He will give you the marriage and husband you desire.
Lord, you’ve said in your Word that, “There is no fear in love; but he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” I ask you Lord to perfect Your love in each of us and cast out all tormenting fear so it no longer has a place to rule in our marriages or our hearts! Thank You Father for your perfect love in us. In Jesus name we pray, Amen!!
Leave me a comment and let me know what you struggle whit. Is it fear, or something else that grips your heart.
Blessings,
Cherie ♥
This is what I was planning on teaching on Tuesday night.
Woot woot, Cicely! I can’t wait to hear it!! 🙂
Hey Cherie I deal with fear on a daily basis. I almost died during childbirth and I still struggle with the fear of me dying or my son dying. It has really consumed me. I am seeking help and have a mentor who actually took me through that very chapter in 1 John this week. Thanks so much for sharing its such an encouragement to me!
Praying for you, Renee. Fear can grip you to a place you are afraid to move. Continue to renew your mind with 1 John… Love you!!!
Renee, praying for you now and asking God to give you the strength to let go of the fear. The first verse that comes to mind and probably won’t surprise you is, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
You can do this.. The battle is in your mind. Remind yourself that you have been given a sound mind by all mighty God! Love you Renee and praying for you today! ♥
Cherie,
I’m going through a similar situation and not easy place to be. There are times that I just want to dish it out right to him but don’t because I want to lead by example. I want to honor him not because he deserves at that very moment but because I’m honorable. It’s hard to not be lead by my emotions. I’m seeking God with all my heart to help me and show what and how to do concerning my marriage. It’s not easy but nothing worth having will ever be. Thank you so much for opening up your and sharing with us your issues and how you over came them. Buy doing so you have given me much needed hope.
Yohana, it sounds like you are on the right track. Letting go of ourselves and our wants and the need to be right all the time will open the door for change to happen. Loving him even when he doesn’t deserve it creates a change in both of you! Jesus loved us to the cross and we didn’t deserve Him. But look at the many who are coming to salvation because they heard the Gospel and realized what Jesus did for them. They are changed! You have been changed. Please let me know how you are doing. I would love to hear more of your story.
Praying for you, sweet friend!! ♥
Yohana, we have a group on FB where Rebecca and I are praying and encouraging the wives daily. I would like to extend an invitation to you to join us. It is a closed group and safe to post and share. It’s call The Imperfect Wives Club. All wives and soon to wives are welcome! Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheImperfectWives/
God bless you! What a wonderful testimony. I used to fear NOT talking to my husband because I always wanted to exercise a spirit of control. It was either my way or the highway! That didn’t work. LOL God taught me that being humble was not being weak and that sometimes, it is ok to walk away and breathe and pray before speaking. Worked wonders, and still is. Continue to be an encouragement to others and we will keep you continually in our prayers! #imperfectwivesrock!
Literally, 5 minutes ago I listened to a sermon on I John 4:7-21 & then I came to the site to catch up. Cherie, I have SO often asked God for my husband to love me unconditionally or “perfectly”. Oh, how I just needed to see your words. He’s incapable b/c he’s not perfect. I pray I will remember that and extend grace to him.
Thank you for the post. What sticks out to me is ” Trust God in your marriage. In time He will give ou the marriage your desire.” I fear not having the marriage I desire or things not going right. Partly because I want to think I’m in control. The fear of the unknown I guess. I’m working daily to operate in that manner and Im getting better; however, I’m finally at the of admitting and being accountable for that action or desire to be in control. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for stopping by LaShonda and leaving a comment. I had to learn I could trust God with everything. Not just my marriage. But it was the start. I understand your fear. I had the same. Please stop by again and let us know how you are doing. Praying for you and your marriage!!
Blessings, Cherie