There were times in the first years of our marriage that I have felt unloved by Bill and hurt by his words or careless gestures. I wanted to yell, “Stop!” so many times and let him know how I truly felt, but the fear of  punishment from Bill would paralyze my voice and leave me in a pit of utter dis-pare!

I kept my mouth closed because I feared!

Feared he would yell at me……

Feared he would hate me……

Feared he would leave me……

All of these were  lies from satan.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

Everyone goes through situations in their lives that create fear and I had a lot of fear in mine. I finally realized one day that I needed help. Then I came across today’s verse: “Perfect love casts out fear.” What leaped at me were the words Perfect Love.

Where does perfect love come from?

I sought the one who holds the answers. I knew I wanted this in my marriage. I wanted a husband that thought I was “the only girl in the world.”

“I desired a husband who loved me unconditionally and recognized that I was a work in progress.”

I needed him to extend me grace…. just as God does.

Then the answer came.

God showed me that perfect love is found in my relationship with Him, not Bill.

God said, “Bill can’t give you perfect love because he’s not perfect.” Wow…..  I know my heart skipped a few beats.  I realized in that moment that Bill has as much work to do as I do and my request of him was unfair.

I learned something else about us both. The things I want from Bill: grace, respect, love, to cherish me.  I needed to be willing to give these freely to him as well. I realized that these very the things I was withholding from him to punish him for making me feel unloved and neglected.

I John 4:13 states that we have God’s spirit.

The Holy Spirit will teach us how to love without fear. All we have to do is ask.  Listen for His voice and be aware of what is happening around us. Look for those moments that you can give respect, grace, and love, instead of hording them because of your pride or un-forgiveness.

Also… don’t be afraid to share with your husband how you truly feel about him, especially the good things. It’s time to stop the fear, let our guards down, and share with them why we love them. Sharing how you feel about him can opens the door to trust,  which in turn can open his heart to yours.

It’s been a few years since this season of our marriage. I have learned to love Bill unconditionally and have seen so many changes in him. But there have also been a lot of changes in me. Good changes that please God. Sometime, I can hear Him say, “Good job Cherie, Now your getting it”!

I pray this ministers to your heart and touches right where you are today.  Trust God in your marriage. In time He will give you the marriage and husband you desire.

Lord, you’ve said in your Word that, “There is no fear in love; but he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”  I ask you Lord to perfect Your love in each of us and cast out all tormenting fear so it no longer has a place to rule in our marriages or our hearts! Thank You Father for your perfect love in us. In Jesus name we pray, Amen!!

Leave me a comment and let me know what you struggle whit. Is it fear, or something else that grips your heart.


Cherie ♥