Long deployments weren’t something I was looking forward to when Robert joined the Navy. They certainly weren’t something I enjoyed very much while we were enduring them, especially when we were apart for just over half of 4 1/2 years spread over three deployments.
But…
Every cloud has a silver lining, even deployments.
I had a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of time alone late at night, early in the morning, and on the weekends to think, pray, read, and listen to the Lord.
And much of what He spoke to my heart was about my husband {maybe because I just couldn’t stop thinking about him!} and our marriage.
And through all of that time of wishing, and hoping, and thinking, and praying, planning and dreaming of my husband’s safe return, our marriage got better!
How does that happen, you might ask.
A change of perspective was what my heart needed.
Gradually, I realized that I really needed Robert.
Not just to pay the bills, move heavy objects, fix the plumbing, run errands, go double-check the locks on the doors after the lights are out, and the countless other things that he does to serve me and our family.
I came to understand in a deeper way how much I really just wanted him around. His company, his presence…so I could hold him and kiss him and squeeze him and love him and show him how much I care for him.
Before this long series of separations, I had put my attention to our marriage, what the Bible said about marriage and a wife’s role and responsibilities and I had changed significantly. We had a good marriage before those deployments began.
But…God finally got it through my thick skull that despite the all of the “common” difficulties we faced as a married couple, that life was better when we were together and that I needed an attitude adjustment.
I needed to be more than just Robert’s wife and partner in parenting, ministry, and the “business” of running our family life.
My focus was wrong. I was letting the little foxes spoil the vines!
Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes
that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom.
Song of Solomon 2:15
God showed me that I needed to be Robert’s sweetheart. His girlfriend. His friend. His lover. God showed me that we needed to make enjoying each other a regular, frequent priority. That despite the demands of our lives, we had to schedule time to just be together and have fun with each other.
And I had to let go of the little details of our lives that weren’t “just right.”
I had to relax and let go of the stuff that made me grouchy, cranky, grumpy, and irritable. (See, I told you I am a recovering perfectionist!) Those attitudes were keeping me from fully enjoying my husband. {I’m so much better than I used to be…and I am continuing to grow in this, Praise God!}
God showed me that wasn’t just a nice idea or a good suggestion. It is imperative. And it mimics our relationship with the Lord. He enjoys us and wants us to enjoy Him, too!
During this season of our lives, a song came to my attention that became one of “our” songs. I hope that you enjoy the song and it inspires you to remember that life is definitely “better together” with your hubby!
Enjoying my life
as a wife,
as a wife,
Rebecca
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