“So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” Genesis 4:6-7
Why am I angry? Why has my countenance fallen? Why have I lost focus of who I am?
These are the questions God has been asking me. Why? Because I asked Him first to free me from the spirit of offense.
Submission to my husband is tough when I am offended by him. I’m sure it is for you as well. But I no longer want to be ruled by this. So many moves I make in my marriage are dictated by this offense and I am sick of it. I Want To Be Free!
No only does it affect my relationship with Bill, it affects my external relationships with those in authority that God has put over me.
When you’ve finally had enough of the struggle, you will turn to God and ask for help.
This is exactly what I did………. and God got started right away!
The first lesson I had to learn was that my offense wasn’t God’s fault. Nor was it Bill’s or those in authority over me or even those from my past. God told Cain, “And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door and its desire is for you. But you should rule over it.”
I had to first accept that my offense started in me because I allowed sin to rule over me.
This was a tough truth to accept. I reasoned with God why it’s not my fault. I recounted the many things that came against me as a child and adult. And yet God pointed me back to His word and Cain.
This is how I have felt about myself for years….
The truth is staring me in the face and holding me accountable because I asked God to free me! I have allowed sin to have a place in my soul and offense is its home. Offense tells me I am not worth anything. That I only exists to be walked on by those in authority over me, including my husband. My thoughts and feelings are not valid and nor am I.
Can you imagine the pain I have walked through my whole life?
So I have started this journey. My heart desires that I would become the woman God has already designed me to be. Not who I hope to be but who I am in God. I am a daughter of the Most High King!
I let go of my will and began to trust God…..
I’m staring at this mountain before me. It is so high. So wide. So very deep. It took years to become what it is today. However, I have not chosen to try to walk over it, around it, or even under it. I have weighed the cost and chosen to walk right through it.
I want this over. I want it to end. God has assured me that He is walking with me. I can feel His presence and I hear His voice.
I have already experienced some pain in the process and asked God, “does this me I am healing?” As I begin to die to myself I realize that Jesus is starting to come through and healing has indeed started.
At first I was afraid to walk to who God designed me to be. The journey would be tough. But Fear no longer has it’s hold. Now I am running to “Who” I am becoming!!
Are you being led by a spirit of offense? Don’t be afraid to ask God to walk you through this! He loves you so incredible much that He made a way to help you, through Jesus death on the cross.
Running to my Savior,
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