With all the strife and struggle we face today, it can be hard to remember what true LOVE looks like. In Chapter 4 of Song of Solomon, Solomon celebrates his bride.
1-5 You’re so beautiful, my darling, so beautiful, and your dove eyes are veiled
By your hair as it flows and shimmers like a flock of goats in the distance
streaming down a hillside in the sunshine. Your smile is generous and full—
expressive and strong and clean.
Your lips are jewel red, your mouth elegant and inviting,
your veiled cheeks soft and radiant. The smooth, lithe lines of your neck
command notice—all heads turn in awe and admiration! Your breasts are like fawns,
twins of a gazelle, grazing among the first spring flowers.
6-7 The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.
8-15 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride. Leave Lebanon behind, and come.
Leave your high mountain hideaway. Abandon your wilderness seclusion,
Where you keep company with lions and panthers guard your safety.
You’ve captured my heart, dear friend. You looked at me, and I fell in love.
One look my way and I was hopelessly in love! How beautiful your love, dear, dear friend—
far more pleasing than a fine, rare wine, your fragrance more exotic than select spices.
The kisses of your lips are honey, my love, every syllable you speak a delicacy to savor.
Your clothes smell like the wild outdoors, the ozone scent of high mountains.
Dear lover and friend, you’re a secret garden, a private and pure fountain.
Body and soul, you are paradise, a whole orchard of succulent fruits—
Ripe apricots and peaches, oranges and pears; Nut trees and cinnamon,
and all scented woods; Mint and lavender, and all herbs aromatic;
A garden fountain, sparkling and splashing,
fed by spring waters from the Lebanon mountains.
I can’t imagine there is a wife who wouldn’t want to feel love at the depth that Solomon shares as he speaks to the Shulamite maiden. Does your heart long to simply be Loved beyond the everyday “I love you” and quick kiss? I have felt this way often.
One day in my Secret Place I shared with God my frustration concerning Bill. I was tired of being the one that he blamed every time something went wrong. I didn’t even have to be in the room and some how the issue was my fault. I have gone to God with this so many times over the years that I started to sound like a broken record -even to me. And yet there was no answer. No change. Nothing.
I was frustrated and hurt and falling deeper into despair. I prayed, God give Bill a heart to love me the way I need to be loved!!
We would have good days and I would think change was happening, but then something would go wrong and we were right back in that same hurtful place. I needed this to stop, now! The question that always ran through my head continually hurting me was; why don’t I have his heart?
I was crying out to God; reliving ever detail of the last fight. I shared how Bill was hurting me with his words. I prayed again, only this time an added plea, “God please give Bill a heart to love me the way I need to be loved.” This is the moment changed everything. But it wasn’t in who you think!
God opened His perfect heart to me. He began to shed light on what I was doing wrong. He reminded me that Bill’s heart needs to line up with His heart, not mine.
For my prayers to be answered I needed to align my heart with His. God asked me to look at my prayer again. As I ran my mind over every word something stopped me. The words, “to love me the way I need to be loved,” leaped at me. I had no idea that I was praying out of selfishness. My prayer was all about me. Of course it was, I was hurt and needed to see change!
So here is the Secret I learned to gaining my husband’s heart! I realized I had to change my prayer. This is what God said next.
“Ask Me to give him a DESIRE to Love you in the way I have designed you to be loved.”
Wow!! My thinking was so backwards. I left God out of my prayer -out of my conversation with Him. I was telling Him what to do instead of asking Him how to pray. I changed my prayer right then!
The secret to gaining our husbands heart is not through pleading, crying, or getting angry. It’s aligning our thoughts with God’s and praying with a selfless heart!
Are you struggling like I was? I encourage you to begin to pray this same prayer over your husband. He has to choose to love you as God is nudging him to, but in time, I trust you will begin to see the changes your heart longs for and more.
One last thought! The way Bill started loving me cause me to be a little anxious. I kept thinking something was wrong or he was doing something wrong and was trying to cover it up by being so sweet to me. I asked God to show me what I didn’t know. A few days later He told me that I could calm my heart! He was answering my prayer (satan always tries to get in where he can to kill, steal, and destroy what God is doing). He said Bill was loving me in a way that I had not experienced before -the way God designed me to be loved!
I would like to encourage you to look at the prayers you pray. What do you see? Even if you have never prayed this kind of prayer before, will you? Let me know in comments so I can pray with you. I look forward to hearing your stories as God begins to work in your husband to steal his heart for you.