With all the strife and struggle we face today, it can be hard to remember what true LOVE looks like. In Chapter 4 of Song of Solomon, Solomon celebrates his bride.
1-5 You’re so beautiful, my darling, so beautiful, and your dove eyes are veiled
By your hair as it flows and shimmers like a flock of goats in the distance
streaming down a hillside in the sunshine. Your smile is generous and full—
expressive and strong and clean.
Your lips are jewel red, your mouth elegant and inviting,
your veiled cheeks soft and radiant. The smooth, lithe lines of your neck
command notice—all heads turn in awe and admiration! Your breasts are like fawns,
twins of a gazelle, grazing among the first spring flowers.
6-7 The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.
8-15 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride. Leave Lebanon behind, and come.
Leave your high mountain hideaway. Abandon your wilderness seclusion,
Where you keep company with lions and panthers guard your safety.
You’ve captured my heart, dear friend. You looked at me, and I fell in love.
One look my way and I was hopelessly in love! How beautiful your love, dear, dear friend—
far more pleasing than a fine, rare wine, your fragrance more exotic than select spices.
The kisses of your lips are honey, my love, every syllable you speak a delicacy to savor.
Your clothes smell like the wild outdoors, the ozone scent of high mountains.
Dear lover and friend, you’re a secret garden, a private and pure fountain.
Body and soul, you are paradise, a whole orchard of succulent fruits—
Ripe apricots and peaches, oranges and pears; Nut trees and cinnamon,
and all scented woods; Mint and lavender, and all herbs aromatic;
A garden fountain, sparkling and splashing,
fed by spring waters from the Lebanon mountains.
I can’t imagine there is a wife who wouldn’t want to feel love at the depth that Solomon shares as he speaks to the Shulamite maiden. Does your heart long to simply be Loved beyond the everyday “I love you” and quick kiss? I have felt this way often.
One day in my Secret Place I shared with God my frustration concerning Bill. I was tired of being the one that he blamed every time something went wrong. I didn’t even have to be in the room and some how the issue was my fault. I have gone to God with this so many times over the years that I started to sound like a broken record -even to me. And yet there was no answer. No change. Nothing.
I was frustrated and hurt and falling deeper into despair. I prayed, God give Bill a heart to love me the way I need to be loved!!
We would have good days and I would think change was happening, but then something would go wrong and we were right back in that same hurtful place. I needed this to stop, now! The question that always ran through my head continually hurting me was; why don’t I have his heart?
I was crying out to God; reliving ever detail of the last fight. I shared how Bill was hurting me with his words. I prayed again, only this time an added plea, “God please give Bill a heart to love me the way I need to be loved.” This is the moment changed everything. But it wasn’t in who you think!
God opened His perfect heart to me. He began to shed light on what I was doing wrong. He reminded me that Bill’s heart needs to line up with His heart, not mine.
For my prayers to be answered I needed to align my heart with His. God asked me to look at my prayer again. As I ran my mind over every word something stopped me. The words, “to love me the way I need to be loved,” leaped at me. I had no idea that I was praying out of selfishness. My prayer was all about me. Of course it was, I was hurt and needed to see change!
So here is the Secret I learned to gaining my husband’s heart! I realized I had to change my prayer. This is what God said next.
“Ask Me to give him a DESIRE to Love you in the way I have designed you to be loved.”
Wow!! My thinking was so backwards. I left God out of my prayer -out of my conversation with Him. I was telling Him what to do instead of asking Him how to pray. I changed my prayer right then!
The secret to gaining our husbands heart is not through pleading, crying, or getting angry. It’s aligning our thoughts with God’s and praying with a selfless heart!
Are you struggling like I was? I encourage you to begin to pray this same prayer over your husband. He has to choose to love you as God is nudging him to, but in time, I trust you will begin to see the changes your heart longs for and more.
One last thought! The way Bill started loving me cause me to be a little anxious. I kept thinking something was wrong or he was doing something wrong and was trying to cover it up by being so sweet to me. I asked God to show me what I didn’t know. A few days later He told me that I could calm my heart! He was answering my prayer (satan always tries to get in where he can to kill, steal, and destroy what God is doing). He said Bill was loving me in a way that I had not experienced before -the way God designed me to be loved!
I would like to encourage you to look at the prayers you pray. What do you see? Even if you have never prayed this kind of prayer before, will you? Let me know in comments so I can pray with you. I look forward to hearing your stories as God begins to work in your husband to steal his heart for you.
Cherie
Thank you for sharing this, Cherie. How we pray, think, and speak is so important! There is always room for growth in all of us. And we learn so much from each other. So grateful for you and The Imperfect Wives. Adds fresh focus to my marriage, that is for sure.
Deb, “speak” leaped at me as I read your comment.. Words give life and death. We really need to focus more on what we are saying!! So true and great comment!
Wow, Cherie nailed it! How many times do we pray out of selfishness and not even realize that we are doing it? Go ahead think about it for a moment… Woo, I have been there, with the “I NEED.” This encouraged me to start “scanning” through the words I am saying and make sure I am praying with a selfless heart; making sure my thoughts are aligned with God. God will take care of my husbands heart, he knows what to do, so I will step back and let him do the work! <3 Loved this Blog!
Love the word “scanning!” Wish I had thought of it as I was typing! Yes, He will take care of your husband and you both will reap the rewards!! It’s all about learning. We are in training each day of our lives. 🙂
So good, Cherie! My will gets in the way of His will so many times…I need to refocus on the things God wants in my life, my marriage, our ministry, etc. Thanks for the encouragement today! Love you, friend!
Becky!! So excited to see you stop by. Me too. I hate to say this but I have left God out of most things, thinking I can handle it. I already have what I need to accomplish it. Funny thing is, I don’t do this with my South Carolina Women’s Conferences. I go to Him concerning every detail. As I thought my post through this morning, I realized I pray over every detail because I feel I don’t have the answers. That caused me to ask myself why in the world I thought I do concerning Bill and our marriage!! I’m telling you, sweet friend!! I am not right!! 🙂
Thanks for the new way to look was praying for something fresh … Celt like a loop recording ….. I have began to pray the Lords prayer where it says your will be done. Inserted. Each persons name in there 🙂
What a wise post,Cherie! I love what you shared and it is so true! At times, God has told me not to approach my husband on issues,but to just pray for him. While praying for him,God did a work in me. Isn’t He a good God?! I do admit at times it is hard to let my husband treat me good. I feel unworthy of the love and that is not what God wants. He wants us to allow our husbands to love us with a love only God can give!
Cherie I just love this, I come back and read it often for encouragement!
OMG Cherie, such an encouragement for such a time as this! I also shared this with my sis-in-law who is struggling with the same issue as me (our husbands are brothers). Thank you so much for sharing this, I believe that this was no accident that I found your site and was able to share it with my sis-in-law as well. Wow, praise God and excited to pray this prayer for our husbands.
So glad you found us, Teena! God’s timing is so perfect for us. We just have to ask. It sounds like you have been seeking Him and asking as well. Lifting you and your sister-in-laws today. Please join us here any time! We love having you and look forward to getting to know you. Joyfully, Cherie