There are times that I have felt unloved by Bill and hurt by his words or careless gestures.
Many times I have wanted to yell, “Stop!”
I just wanted Bill to know how I really felt, but feared “punishment” from him.
I wish I knew when this seed was planted. All I know is what kept my mouth closed was fear!
Fear that he would yell at me…..
Fear that he would hate me…..
Fear that he would leave me…….
Fear that he would no longer love me…….
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18
Fear Caused Me To Be Weak!
Everyone goes through situations in their life that creates fear and weakness. Fear can be paralyzing and is so unhealthy spiritual and mentally. Are you with me?
The fear in me had gotten so bad I finally realized one day that I needed help.
This fear drew me to unhealthy thoughts. Unhealthy needs. Unhealthy places.
I had the same perpetual thought running in my head. I want a husband that saw me as the only girl in the world, who loved me unconditionally and recognized that I was a work in progress. I wanted him to extend grace to me just as God does. And yet this was not happening. Why?
Perfect love casts out fear.
I did a key word search on the word perfect and found 1 John 4:18. God was showing me that perfect love is only found in my relationship with Him. Not Bill.
And the revelation finally hit home! What I was asking from Bill was perfect love. Bill can’t give me perfect love because he is not perfect.
Now say this with your husband’s name. {___________} can’t give me perfect love because he is not perfect! Let this sink in for a minute.
Gods voice spoke loud and clear to me… If you want change to begin in Bill change needs to begin in you first!
This thought was so in my face that an internal struggle with God began to take place.
“But I’m not the one who needs to change,” came right out of my mouth, along with other thoughts as well. How brave was I to tell God this?! God stopped me with this one question. “Do you love Bill enough to surrender your fear to me?”
Big, big, question for me. So big in fact I almost said no! God was asking me to trust Him in a place where fear had taken refuge for so long.
It took time but I was able to let go of fear and take hold of God. I learned that He is so faithful to every promise He gives us. He understands the human heart and how fragile we are at times. He would never draw us to make a decision that He is not going to walk us through.
Are you dealing with the same fear? Do you love your husband enough to let God change you first? Can you let Perfect Love has its way? Surrender is such a beautiful place to be.
It’s been a few years since this day and I have seen changes in Bill. But there have also been a lot of changes in me.
Sometime I can hear God say, “Good job, Cherie. Now you’re getting it!”
Can you relate?
Daddy, we thank you for our husbands, no matter how imperfect they are. Teach us to love without fear and let change begin in us. Amen.
His strength for our weakness,
Cherie ♥
What a lovely site you have! Yes, I can relate to fear.
Visiting from Amy Sullivan!
Thank you, Susan, for stopping by. Fear is a very real issue in so many marriages. Thank you for sharing with us. We look forward to hearing from you again.
Cherie 🙂
I can so relate to this! I am unfortunately there right now.. not going into it.. but I am praying this prayer and asking how I can change to make Him happy and the wife He made me to be! Thanks for this Cherie! Love ya!